WCW Bash At the Beach 1996 Review

Now, you just CANNOT review the 96 GAB withouth having the B.at the B. one right after it ! - Live from Daytona, Florida where Tony, Bobby and Big Dust himself are our hosts for this magical evening.

- Ray Ray Mist Ear E.O. vs. Psychosissy : Last month's CW match between Ray Ray and Dean have changed the WCW and the WWF. If not for that match, Jericho would not have been given a chance to become a force in 98 (thus the WWF would not want him), and a whole bunch of other stuff. And Lightheavyweights would be signed by the WWF and WCW left and right afterwards. DARN YOU TO HECK !!!!!!!!! Eitherway, Ray Ray wins. One of the most boring openers of all-time for a PPV. -********

- BIG John Tenta vs. Big Bubber (with Jimmy Hart) in a Silver Dollar Coins On A Pole Match : Now, like last month, these two big men follow the boring LOSERweights ! With the pole nearly 20 feet high, both men try their hardest to get it, but Big Bubber asks Jimmy to go get it for him. At one point, Big Bubber takes out tape and sticks BIG JOHN to the ropes. He must be using Spider-Man's webbing since it cannot be broken (even by the superhuman strength of John Tenta). And now, Big Bubber has scissors (maybe it belongs to SID~!) to attempt to finish off the job he started a month ago. Thankfully it fails, and Tenta is able to cut through the tape as he takes the sock full of silver dollars and WHACKS Bubber stone cold as John gets the pin !!!!!! The drama in this match up is unparralleled. *********

- Lord of the Ring Diamond Dallas Page vs. challenger Hacksaw Jim Duggan (with a 2x4 in one hand, and the flag in the other) in a Taped Fist Match : Here's a feud with TONS of backstory to it. And here it is.

Mean Gene was interviewing DDP on Nitro one night and it seemed like Page lost his Battle Bowl ring. He was looking all over for it. Then my main man Hacksaw comes stomping on down to the locker room and says that he was 'back in the toilet relieving myself and I found this ring.' DDP wanted it back, so Hacksaw, being the GOOD man that he is, dropped it on the floor, and as DDP went to pick it up, Hacksaw took out the tape from his trunks, taped up his fisties AND KNOCKED OUT DDP !!!!! WOW !!!

The match is pure dominance from DA MAN but Hacksaw was fooled and DDP hit the diamond cutter FROM OUT OF NOWHERE to get the win. Hacksaw was robbed again !!! Why ??? DDP didn't even TAPE UP HIS FISTS !!! But this was a good match ***3/4

- The Nasty Boys vs. The Public Enemy in a Dog Collar Match : I miss TPE. They were so HARDcore !! These are two of the most HARDcordest teams I have ever seen ! This is one of those matches were you get smarter by the second. I cannot say too much because it is so good that I don't think I can deliver proper commentary. *******

- WCW Cruiserweight Champion The Man of 1000 Loses Dean Midgetko vs. Disco Infeno : Well this is better than Dean/Ray Ray, but it still stinks . Boring match tho. Dean retains his belt, until he loses the next night to Ray Ray on Nitro. -***

- Desperado Joe Gomez (without the MIGHTY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRenegade)vs. Steve Mongo McMichael (without Pepe) : Talk about your BIG PPV match-ups !!! Now why did these two fight ?? Because on Nitro, the 4 Hossman fought the YOUNG Rock 'N' Roll Express, the Renegade and Gomez. The Hossman cheated to win. Eitherway, Mongo shows the world what type of potential this man has. He has the sport in his veins. He is the type of wrestler Hulk Hogan is talking about folks. Mongo wins with a Tombstone piledriver that could cripple Gomez ! ****

- WCW United States Champion The K-Dawg Konnan vs. challenger Nature Boy Ric Flair (with Woman and Liz) : The Mexican Hulk Hogan tries his best to beat the former WCW champ, but due to inference from the Devilish Women, Rick Flab earns a questionable win as he becomes the new U.S. Champ. *3/4 all for Konnan. ORALE!

- Krispin Wah and Double Ancient vs. WCW World Champion The Son of Ander The Gaint and the TaskMaster : The Hossmen attack and distract the Gaint all the way to the locker room. For some parts of the match it is only Wah and Arn against Sullivan. Kevin is beaten up, because if the Gaint gets into the ring, the Hossmen are goners. Sullivan tags to the Gaint as he crushes Arn. Meanwhile, Wah and Sullivan fight away from ringside. The Gaint THRASHES Double Ancient. Chokeslam. Win for the DoD. ** for the DoD. After the match, Wah was still destroying Sullivan (without the Gaint knowing), but Woman stopped Khrispin from killing the brother of Evad/Dave Sullivan. Why ?

- Macho Man Randy Savage, WCW Tag Team Champions Sting and WCW Television Champion The Total Package Lex Luger vs. The Outsiders : The Putsiders come out alone and Team WCW comes out with facepaint (that symbolizes their solidarity). We find out that the Outsiders are called Hall and Nash, that is a shocker in itself ! I thought their real names were Deezuul and Razzor ! Well the bell rings and a HUGE 6-man fight. After a few minutes in, Lex tries to run into Kev, but fails and hits his head on the turnbuckle. The paramedics are out !! OH MY GOD !! Are THEY the Outsiders partners ?? Those VILES FIENDS !! Oh wait, they are there to take Lex out in a stretcher. This turns into ...

- WCW Tag Team Champion Sting and Macho Man Randy Savage vs. The Outsiders : Macho Man spends most of the match getting beat up by the Wolfpack. Big SEXAY is just unbelievable here. Oh boy, it looks like the MACH' is about to tag ... Yes ... THIS ... ISSSSS .... STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait, he;s getting beat up. Oh boy ... So now, WCW is going down to this NEW BLOOD of wrestling. Wait ... Sting makes the tag to ... WHAT UP MACH ???!!!!! Now the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE CANNON has been UNLEASHED !!! He throws Hall outside and tries to take out Hall for months (just like he did with Ricky) with the axhandle ! But oh GAGA !! Big Kev just lowblowed Randy. Sting is out (and missing) and Macho is laying on the mat. WCW is in trouble BRAHS. We need a hero. We need someone to save us from the horrid NEW BLOOD. We need somebody to look out for us. But who will it be ?? Who will save us now ?? Yes, I am pleading for the Anvil to help us !!!! Wait ... it's hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim !! It's the ONE ... the ONLY ... the IMMORTAL ... HUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLK HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGAN !!!! Yes. TAKE THAT OUTSIDERS !! Now we have a LEVEL playing field (1$ to the POWERS THAT BE EZE) !! ...

- The Immortal Hulk Hogan, WCW Tag Team Champion Sting and Macho Man Randy Savage vs. The Outsiders : Dusty and Tony are so excited that they are dancing on the announcers table like Miss Hancock !! Oh boy !! At this point back in 96, I was very overexcited, if you know what I mean !! He is POWER-WALKING down to the ring. He rips off his shirt as the Outsiders flee outside. To quote Dusty 'Who be bad now !? Who be bad now ?!' !!!!! Wait .... oh no .... it looks like ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! HE JUST LEGDROPED HIS GOOD BUDDY MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE !! ....

- WCW Tag Team Champion Sting and Macho Man Randy Savage vs. The Outsiders and Hollywood Hulk Hogan : Now the Outsiders are gloating with their ne wthird member, Hulk Hogan. Now, Hall makes the fake 3 count as this new faction celebrates as the fans trash the ring with debris. Now Mean Gene comes out to interview Hulk and try to make sense of the INSANITY !! Hulk calls himself, Hall and Nash, the New World Order of Wrestling. But in the most EVIL~! deed that ANY man has ever done in wrestling is done by Hogan right now when he tells his fans to 'STICK IT!!'. I can't even rate this match due to the tears covering up my eyes.


The ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTIMATE Line:

I was speechless then, and I am speechless now. I cannot believe that Hulk would do this to the millions of Hulkamaniacs out there. Why Hulk Why ? This truly was one of the most shocking things I have ever seen in my entire life. I can understand school shootings and the Goverment taking away 8 year old boys at gunpoint, but I cannot understand this. It is unfathomable. What a sad PPV. Even if this PPV had some good quality matches. I cannot recommend it because it made me cry for so many days.

You know what, for JimDugganFan, for THE DOC, I don't know. I'm JIM EPSTEIN, (Hollywood) Hulk Hogan you can go hell. We're out of here. Straight to hell.

Wait ... Hulk is a good again ! Scratch that last paragraph !!!