The Best of the WWF and WCW + Classic matches
'Classic Matches' from July 26, 1996
You know, from time to time, I start thinking back about some of the
greatest matches of all-time, and I realize all of them involved the
IMMORTAL Hacksaw Jim Duggan (yes, IMMORTAL, not that traitor Hulk Hogan).
Here's my memories :
1) vs. Steve Austin at Fall Brawl : forget those 1-hour aerobic
bore-a-thons, and give me this exciting demonstration of REAL wrestling. It
was Hacksaw's greatest moment as he showed Steve Austin he ain't so
stunning, surely no ringmaster, but a pathetic LOSER ! Why do you think he's
stone cold today ? Because of the man, JIM DUGGAN. For a while, we had a
U.S. Champion everybody could be proud of ! USA ! USA ! HOOOO !!!
2) vs. King Haku for the crown : back in 1989, I had the equal pleasure of
watching ol' Jim OUTWRESTLE the Weasel's flunky Haku for the King of the
Ring title. His coronation was truly an emotional moment for all REAL
americans. We had a KING again, and one not afraid to let snot run down his
nose in public ! HOOOOO !!!!
3) vs. Big Bubber : Oh man you talk about a match ! Taped fists ! and
against Big Bubba who I hate but consider more of a wrestler than wimps like
Chris Benoit who Hacksaw could take his head off with one shot of his 2 x 4
!
4) with Nikolai Volkoff vs. Orient Express : a moment for the ages to
witness big Nikolai (who saw the light) team up with ol' Hacksaw and crush
those no-good foriegners !!! USA ! HOOOOO !!!!! 5) vs. Bad News Brown at
Wrestlemania : this match TRULY set the standard for wrestling in the 90's.
Where do you think ECW gets all its ideas from ? And you think that Shawn
Michaels-Diesel match was brutal ! HA ! Check out the ending with the chairs
and the 2x4s and I guarantee you won't see a better fight in your lifetime
than this !
6) vs. Meng at Uncensored 95 : the first time these two technicians ever met
in the ring and what I was impressed was by how quickly ol' Hacksaw learned
martial arts for this match. Bruce Lee, he WISHES he had the skills of the
man, JIM DUGGAN. But if not that slimeball foreigner, Sonny Ono, ol' Hacksaw
would have showed the USA is Number One NOW and FOREVER ! USA ! USA ! HOOOOO
!!!! 7) vs. The Giant on Nitro : you couldn't believe how excited I got when
I saw ol' Hacksaw getting an unannounced title shot at the SON OF ANDRE. My
laundryman can tell you, there was some serious peeing in the pants that
night. Too bad the Snake in the grass Jimmy Hart had to ruin it for Jim or
wrestling would have lifted onto a higher plane.
8) 8-man tag at Wrestlemania 8 : all I could keep thiking during this battle
of the titans was that 60,000 plus filled the stuadium just to see ol'
Hacksaw wrestle ! Brought a few tears to my eyes, really ..
9) vs. VK Wallstreet : to tell you the truth, I would have ranked this
higher if not for the constant intereference of Big Bubba in their matches.
Good thing for the taped fists ! By the way, what does VK stand for ?
10) vs. Yokozuna : in 93, that stinkin foreign tub of lard had the nerve to
try and end the career of the IMMORTAL one, Jim Duggan. Do you know how many
boxes of Kleenex I used up that day when I saw them carrying ol' Hacksaw on
a stretcher after being banzai splashed five times ? But ol' Jim bounced
back and beat the crap out of this fat slob shortly after Wrestlemania 9. If
not for the then-IMMORTAL Hulk Hogan, Jim would have been the WWF Champion
(but that title doesn' mean much anymore) ! HOOOOOO !!!!!
There you have it, ten masterpiece of the squared circle. If anybody is
interested in owning this priceless collection, just give me a HOOOOOO-ller
and I'll be more than happy to give you a copy. I had them made a while back
when starting my official Duggan fan club, but for some reason the club
never got off the ground (probably a conspiracy by FOREIGNERS!! HOOOOOO
!!!!!!)
DF1
(trying to see if three point stances are possible when taking a dump)
'WWF's All-Time Greats' from July 26, 1996
1) If you think it's NOT Hacksaw here too, you're not a REAL wrestling fan !
2) Red Rooster : for a while, I thought about streaking my hair up like the
Rooster, but I thought, 'nah, too many people will copy this trend'. It
seems I wass right, especially in England, where I see wrestling has a lot
of teenage Red Rooster fans, but they seem to be a little too aggresive for
my book ...
3) Gobbledy-Gooker : at the 1990 Survivor Series, you should have seen me, I
was dancing and flipping around with Mean Gene and this ring PHENOM, as I'm
sure you all did too ! I just wish my head didn't keep htting the wall !!
Like Oz, I'm waiting for the day he will come back and teach that chump
Shawn Michaels a LESSON in wrestling. The Gobbledy-Gooker, future WWF
Champion ? I can see it happen !!!
4) Doink The Clown : I was real glad this funny clown cleanmed up his act
and brought us my all-time favorite manager Dink (second favorite is
Jamison, the real SEXY BOY). Who knows how far Dink could have taken Doink
if not the underhandedness of jerks like Jerry Lawler and Jeff Jarrett ? I
smell world titles in Doink's future if they come back ! (crossing my
fingers hoping they will)
5) Saba Simba : The man formerly known as Tony Atlas, now there's someone
who DIDN'T make a fool out of himself, and you know why ? SIMBA stands for
"See, I'm Making Bucks Again" ! I still love to dance in the funky way he
used to during his matches !
6) Bushwhackers : even though they're not americans, they were a frequent
tag team partner of Hacksaw's, and that's why I love them so much. In their
glory days, after a Bushwhackers victory, I'd go out and celebrate by
licking people on the street myself ! That explains tha many shotgun wounds
I have. Anyway, earlier this year, I was APPALLED when the champs, the
Bodydonnas lost to them but not the titles ! And what about that kangaroo ?
WOW !!! I'm saving up for a trip to their restaurant in Florida for my
honeymoon ! After that and a good meal of raw sardines, me and my wife will
be in the mood for some serious licking, of the other customers, that is !
7) Outback Jack : although I never got to see many of his matches, I feel
this man deserves to be in the Hall of Fame ! He's got MY vote !
8) Godwinns : I was a BIG fan of Hillbilly Jim in his day, and to see him
continue his tradition of greatness thru Henry and Phineas is truly a sight
to behold ! For a week, the WWF had the best Tag Team on TOP OF THE WORLD !
Just you wait and see, they'll be BACK THERE ! Why ? Because you don't go
messin' with a country boy, country boy, country boy ...
9) Koko B Ware :with that cool hair, and Frankie, how could you NOT like
Birdman ? and when in High Energy, THOSE PANTS !! Could you believe when I
went to the department store and asked if they had those kind of pants, they
called security and kicked me out ? What WACKOS !!
10) Fatu : One of the few bright spots of the WWF's weak talent roster,
making a difference with millions of fans in his corner like myself and you
guys. Let's all groove with the man and see him rise to the top ! Come back
soon, Fatu, YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE !!!
Other honorable mentions : Bastion Booger, Men On A Mission with Oscar (the
RAPMASTER of the WWF), Virgil, and BattleKat (yes, I know, we all miss him,
but HE'LL BE BACK !!!! HOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!)
DF1
(fan of Hacksaw Jim Duggan, leader of the NEW Generation)
'WCW's All-Time Greats' from July 26, 1996
A while ago, I posted who I thought were the WCW(WHERE THE BIG BOYS PLAY)
and the WWF's worst. Now by popular demand, I'll post to all my R.S.P-W.
friends who I think are the legends of the game, the future Hall of Famers
who I had the privilege,no, the HONOR, to seeing in their heyday. First off,
WCW, WHERE THE BIG BOYS PLAY !, in order :
1) Do I really have to say it ? (Clue : HOOOOOO !!!!)
2) Ding Dongs : now THERE was a GREAT tag team !! Everyone could like them,
from the adults to the children, I once sat at ringside during one of their
matches, and I was granted my longtime wish of ringing the bell of top of
their head. I never felt so ALIVE, and neither the Ding Dong, despite broken
nose from ringing it too hard and the lawsuit he served me with later ....
3) The Renegade : or should I say, THE ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTIMATE WARRIOR ! And
don't you dare tell me that's not him ! I looked carefully a dozen times,
and tell me, who else can run into the ring with that much excitement, roar
like him, have that kind of face paint, and the same wrestling ability ? How
he manages to compete now in both federations is beyond me, although it's
sad to see that in WCW, he can't play with the BIG BOYS !!!!!
4) Bootyman : the man and his BOOTY were more excitement than WCW officials
could handle, so that is why you see him wrestle less today, I guess he was
just TOO popular !But you know, he looks familiar ... well, anyway, back to
watching these matches with the Brother, the Barber, the Butcher, the man
with No Name, and the Zodiac .....
5) Oz : for a short while, he was the best thing going, dominating the WCW,
but then he suddenly dissappeared. What happened to him ? Where are you, Oz,
and bring back the Wizard with you !
6) Dave Sullivan : for some reason, this guy reminds me of Hacksaw in his
early days : good man, excellent ability, sexy looks, and a hulkamaniac. But
after his classic feud with that bum Diamond Dallas Page, the man's been out
of the spotlight. Just give him ONE title shot, and he'll be great again
!!!! HOOOOO !!!!!
7) Armstrongs : Brad and his brothers have WITHOUT A DOUBT become
wrestling's greatest family ! You think Bret and Owen Hart are great ? HA !
Put them in WCW and they wouldn't last a minute with the BIG BOYS !!
8) John Tenta : this man (not a shark, not an avalanche, but a MAN) earned
my respect and adoration in hs feud with that no-good Big Bubba. Years from
now, I'll be able to tell my grandkids, the little DugganFans-to-be, 'THAT
was a feud that made wrestling great'. Those matches from Nitro will be in
the DugganFan video vault for later generations to LOOK, LOVE, and LEARN !!!
9) American Males : although these guys are not what I'd consider REAL
wrestlers, you just gotta love their entrance music ! Everybody in R.S.P-W.
can appreciate as I do the value of good music. C'mon, let's all sing it,
'american males, american males, american males, american males ....'
10) Finally, I'm gonna rank that TRAITOR Hulk Hogan in here even though it
makes me sick to do so. For years, I , like ol' Hacksaw IDOLIZED the man.
And when he entered WCW (WHERE THE BIG BOYS PLAY) his popularity grew even
BIGGER ! You could just feel the love in the arena or at Bash at the Beach
where HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of Hulkamaniacs cheered him and ol' Hacksaw on.
What Boos are you talking about, Hulk ? Hmmmmm ? You just wait and see if
I'm gonna spend my money to help make your next movie the box-office
blockbuster that Suburban Commando and Mr. Nanny were !
Watch for the WWF's all-time best, in the meantime, for you doubters who
think I'm a fake, only a REAL DugganFan1 would be able to memorize the smash
hit from the WrestleMania album : USA !U-U-U-U-S-A ! USA !HOOOOO !!!!!
HOOOOOO !!!!!!
DF1
(the real thing, with board up, tongue out, eyes crossed, and thumbs up)