The DugganFan Retro Rant for Great American Bash 1991
A word before we get started: Many times over the past few years on RSPW, I and
many others have read newer posters state that such-and-such a PPV is the
"Greatest one ever!" I assure you, whatever a given is, it is not the Best PPV
Ever. nWo Souled Out was extremely great, it had a **** match between Hollywood
and the Gaint (and let's not forget the ULTRA-KEWL nWo band). WWF King of the Ring 1995 was pretty cool, and certainly the best WWF PPV. And, Road Wild 1998 with Jay Leno giving it his all in a ***** affair.
No, the title of the "The Best PPV Ever" has always fallen on, and shall always
fall on, WCW's Great American Bash 1991, a.k.a. the Flair is Finally Dead Show.
There is no comparison to anything else, it is, without a doubt, the biggest
and most incredible three hours ever to be called a wrestling program.
Let this be a lesson to future generations of posters: DO watch this show, even
to see how bad it could be. It's worth it, or you won't be as cool as your
friends say you'll be.
On with the rant.
- Live from Baltimore, Maryland.
- Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross, with the debuting Eric Bischoff
doing interviews (yes, a legend is born in EZE, getting this show off to ****
already)
- Opening match: PN News & Beautiful Bobby Eaton v. Stunning Steve Austin &
Terry Taylor (Scaffold match). And they waste no time in launching the whole
ficky-ficking (TM the GREATER POWER, a.k.a. HIM) show. Who (nN) could actually be SMART enough to start a major PPV with a SCAFFOLD match? WCW, that's who!
Though it would be better if it was a taped fist match, but Hacksaw would make
that popular 4 years later. I can't even describe properly how EXCITING this
match is. It's almost as awesome as Hacksaw vs. Big Bubber in that taped fist
match at WW3! Crowd is just dead, and I mean DEAD, whenever the FUTURE Stone
Head is wrestling, but cheer like madmen for the MASTA RAPPA PN News. Bobby
Eaton grabs the flag and goes back to his corner after PN softens up Austin and
Terry "My Career Was Better Off As the ICON, the Red Rooster" Taylor. Quite
possibly the best opening match in PPV history. **** I mean it, it was THAT
great. Really. It really is !
- EZE Eric Bischoff interviews Paul E and Arn Anderson. Arn is the ONE guy I would NOT want to be around at that time. I know, I don't want to be stabbed.
- The Diamond Studd (w/DDP) v. Tom Zenk. Zenk drags DDP into the ring and
beats him up, which enables Studd to get a belly-to-back suplex for the pin.
Whatever happened to him anyway, he looks familiar. He wrestles as sharp as a
razor, and everyone probably packed the halls to see him. Oh well, maybe Oz
will be on later too.
- Oz v. Ron Simmons. Oh, yes, it's the great and powerful Oz! The match is a
big, steaming bowl of fresh groooovy, with lightly seasoned grooooovy sauce,
and a side of groooooovy salad. Simmons needs three shoulderblocks to finally put the mighty Oz down for the pin. Fortunately, he would move on to better things like that feud with Bill Kazmaier~! I wonder what happened to Oz too, though Kevin Nash is a fierce competitor like him. And where's the Wizard, he seemed to be a master of many tasks.
- WCW's Top 10 this week:
1. Lex Luger
2. Barry Windham
3. El Gigante
4. Oz
5. PN News
6. Sting
7. Diamond Studd
8. Ron Simmons
9. Johnny B. Badd
10000000000. Steve Austin (harharharhar)
- Robert Gibson v. Ricky Morton. Good match, but the RnR's didn't get really
good until they joined the NWA stable in that federation up north 7 years later.
- The Young Pistols and Dustin Rhodes v. The Freebirds and Bradstreet (six-man
elimination). Wanna know how great the tag situation in 1991 was? The 'Birds
have both the US and Six-Man tag titles. And the WCW Patriots were still to
come! Hayes & Garvin of course proceed to make another perfectly good match by
somehow managing to carry another team up to their level of greatness. Steve
Armstrong, Michael Hayes, Tracy Smothers and Jim Garvin all go in rapid-fire
succession, leaving Dustin against Badstreet. Guess who wins that one. Hint: It
was with several atomic elbows and a bulldog, and he's a HARDcore legend, if
you weeeeeeeeeel.
Note: We're now about halfway into the show and my highest rating is ****. And
that's just because of Oz's performance. And this was supposed to be the show
that started a new era for WCW? YES IT IS!
- The Yellow Dog v. Johnny B. Badd. I had no idea who the Dog was, maybe it's
the Dog who teams with Brian Knobbs (the king of HARDcore)? I'll have to ask
someone, along with who (nN) the Midnight Rider was. Anyway, I wish he drunk
out of a toilet, that would make this match even better than it was, of course
that was all because of Johnny, who at the time was a REAL MAN'S MAN (he's a
maaaaaaaaaan)
- Lumberjack match: Black Blood v. Big Josh. Black Blood tried to beat the
Haynes underwear off of Josh, but the man from the North Woods and the master
of the LOG ROLL OF DOOOOOOOOOOM went doink, bam, thank you ma'am and came up
with the victory! But all you DF mecks out there know how we DF1s feel about BIG JOSH ... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ?!?!?!??!
- One Man Gang v. El Gigante. Super, super, super. El Gigante is the greatest
"mainstream" wrestler, ever. Period. Next to Hacksaw, of course. One Man Gang
beats on him with a cast iron wrench for 5 minutes and he can't even faze the
big man, now that's impressive! Gigante could wrestle, talk, and act. (Didn't
you see him as Manny the Pelican Man on Baywatch?) OMG actually gets carried by
the legend, and loses it after having his own powder kicked in his face. ****1/2.
- Russian Chain Match: Nikita Koloff v. Sting. Not as great as the YAPAPI
INDIAN STRAP MATCH, but still great. Unfortunately, that foreigner cheated to
beat the Stinger. This is why WCW needed ol' Hacksaw, to clean up the
anti-American scum.
- WCW World title match: Barry Windham v. Lex Luger.
At this point, I feel the need to break into a bit of an essay about this
match.
This match was not only a great match, even though Barry Windham was not even a
contender to the title at the time. The promised match had been Ric Flair v.
Lex Luger, a match which had been building for more than a year, and
maybe even for three years depending on your point of view on the matter. It
was to be Ric Flair dropping the WCW World title, finally, to T-Pac, after
years of being chased by Luger and screwing him out of the title with every
means of cheating known to man. Everyone knew it, in much the same way everyone
knew Lex Luger was walking out of Detroit as the champion the night he faced
Hulk Hogan for the title.
But Flair couldn't hang where the big boys play, and was in fear of the tough
challenges of PN News, Arachnaman, and Van Hammer. So Jim Herd, instead of
reasoning with him and offering him big money so he'd stop crying like he
always does, simply fired Flair outright and took the WCW World title back,
leaving Flair to go up north to start a great tradition of getting his keyster
kicked by the Hulkster. RUHAHAHA!
So what did the fans get for their hard-earned money on PPV? Lex Luger v. Barry
Windham for the vacant title, in a match which was the most suspenseful since
Mabel wrestled Savio Vega in that epic KOTR 95 match. As Luger and Windham made
their entrances and the cage was lowered, the fans now suddenly came alive. Not
only out of excitement for this match, but also loudly chanting "WE WANT
FLAIR!" at every opportunity. Of course this was because they wanted
Flab......to get his hinder kicked by T-Pac one more time!
Luger seems to try harder because we all know he doesn't give a poop about
anyone but himself. (of course, why do you think he's tormenting the Stinger
and Hulk?) The match goes on, and then Harley Race and Mr. Hughes come out.
Race yells at Luger that "now is the time" and Luger suddenly regains all his
energy and pins Windham after the PILEDRIVER OF DOOM to win the World title.
What a match! What a super, fantastic match and the best possible way to start
off the "new era" of WCW, without Flair. By 1993, Flab would have enough of
getting beat up by Hogan and the ULLLLLLLLLLTIMATE Warrior that WCW would have
no choice but to sign him again.
- Paul E. Dangerously & Arn Anderson v. Missy Hyatt & Rick Steiner. Speaking of
super, fantastic matches, we've got about 3 minutes of airtime left at this
point and another cage match to go. Everyone comes out and the Hardliners
kidnap Missy Hyatt, because no one wanted to see her and wanted the return of
SWEEEEEET Sapphire instead. Anderson and Steiner wrestle for a minute or so,
and then Paul E. foolishly tags in, gets clotheslined by Rick, and pinned. And
that's it. What a way to end the show !!!
The ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE Line:
It was the best of times, but it wasn't the worst of times BRAH. WCW somehow managed to srise higher than 1990's Black Scorpion feud by getting rid of their #1 most worthless guy and putting on the single best show in the history of wrestling PPVs. There wasn't a single bad thing about this show, not one match you could point to and say "This is not the reason to watch this show." It was just great in every possible manner from start to finish. About the best match was the World title one, and when your hottest match tops out around ****1/2 it's time to take a serious look at where the other federations are going (down, that is! .... and maybe for the 3-count)
Do I recommend watching the show?
OH HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because that way, the next time someone reviews a show by any federation and
calls it the best PPV ever, you can say "Forget that, I've seen WCW Great
American Bash 1991" and that should be enough to shut up just about anyone.
JDF1
(Who wants to review the Heroes of Wrestling soon, the PPV tied for first as
best)